Written 16 July 2013

Yesterday: Oh the lazy days of summer. . . not!  Speech this morning then swim lesson then Hillary meets Julia and I go to a meditation workshop.  After the workshop I go shopping for summer vacation clothes (Actually summer clothes in general which I sorely need.  My pants are falling off my butt which is not a bad problem to have).  In the meantime, Hillary drives Julia to group therapy and I pick her up at 5 for another dip in the pool and end up at the library for a dinosaur workshop.    Amazes me that it works out reasonably well.

Today: We had no time for meditation together or pt exercises yesterday and I had almost no problem letting both go.  This morning we went to an early session of crane meditation and had time before we went to swim lesson.   Since I usually note when Julia is less attentive, I should say that I’ve noticed more attentiveness this week.  I wonder if this has something to do with her giving over some control to me that she usually gives to her therapists.  

Julia is doing a good job this morning at listening to swim instructors.  I am sitting two lounge chairs to the left of the lane that they are using and only about 12 feet from where they are.  Julia looks for my approval and calls out to me when she thinks she does something well.  I give her a thumbs up and at least one of the teachers turn to me with a weak smile.  Overprotective, huh?  

She is learning to dive.  Oh, I remember doing that, a bit younger but probably at about the same cognitive age.  It seemed impossible until it was easy.  The two other kids in her class (both boys today) are no better.  Belly flop after belly flop.  They each do 4 or 5 and then the teachers move on to something else.  Just as well.  Sooner or later, those summing would hurt.  Now they are playing Sharks and minnows (?).  Julia’s processing challenges make this really hard but she does not give up.  

Written 24 July 2013

I have been belly-aching about being without joy.  No joy, no joy.  And I want to have it back so much.

Enough!

So, when I find some, I need to note it and be so very grateful.  I am grateful to find joy once again in preparing food and the house and Julia and I to have friends over, to celebrate, to have a party.  I enjoyed getting ready for Julia’s end of therapy party, and then again for David’s death day celebration, and this week for having three Waisman friends over for after work beer and food.  The joy of it has not crept up on me.  I felt it preparing for Julia’s party but I could not really believe that I could feel that way for the kind of entertaining that David and I loved to do.  But now that I’ve had the feeling three times, I expect it to stay.