I posted a picture on FaceBook of Julia flying a kite -- something she did last weekend when we went to a birthday party at a park.  She worked so hard to figure it out -- it was a breezy but not windy day and it would have been a challenge for anyone trying to fly.  She persisted and she succeeded and I was very proud of her.  I posted pictures on the photo blog and also on Facebook with those feelings.  But as I've thought about it today and as friends have "liked" or commented about the picture, there was a deep sense of sadness that came over me.  Other parents post football or soccer wins, academic awards, dance recital pictures and graduation and first job news.  I cannot, and maybe never will for Julia.

And there I was, landing right in the midst of not-in-the-present thinking.  What am I worrying about?  My lack of bragging opportunities?  Exposing Julia's untypical development? My fears for Julia's future?  Some concern that our friends will not accept us as we are?  Looking over the list and even having a hard time coming up with the list, I perceive that it is amorphous worry.  Just living in the land of worry that circles around the stress and anxiety of raising a child with special needs.  And such worry serves absolutely no one or nothing.  Concern, planning, looking with a realistic eye is different from worry.  It will take years of serious practice for me to alter this gut reaction to worry.  But I see it, see is a little quicker than I have in the past.  Therein is progress.