Back but still circling.  Rested but soul tired.  Ready to dive but dithering on the edge.  Tuesday morning.  Olly’s birthday but not for three years now that she is dead.  Splashing back in last night with the first Quest integration group meeting and feeling more like a weird second date.  And lonely here in Madison and tangential in New York.  Keeping the head above water, swallowing sips of the tide.  Wanting to take a long view, rise above the fray to see the road from above but stuck in the muck and mire.  Not doing what was planned.  What I planned.  And now where I intended to be now.  Wasting time and not wanting to be in time.  Wanting the time out of time.  To be drunk and forget about time.  Substitute present for time.