Yesterday, Julia’s class was going to see the Chinese Acrobats at the Overture Center.  This was a big class trip and Julia wanted to wear a dress to school.  We decided on the  dress that Cheshire gave her for Christmas that Julia had not worn yet because it is not really a Wisconsin winter dress, but the day was going to be in the balmy 30’s and she had a pair of heavy tights that would look ok with the dress.  However, after she got dressed, she started scratching between her legs.  She doesn’t do this when she is wearing jeans and she has not done this with other dresses and tights.   I told her a few times that she couldn’t do that when she was wearing a dress but it didn’t stop her.  Finally, just before she left, I made her put on jeans and a sweater.  It was okay and she caught the bus, but it was another sad and frustrating time for me.

And of course, it is all me.  Not her at all.

Julia looked like she is “growing up” in that dress.  It is a very appropriate tween dress and she looked like the 12 that she is.  She looked good and appropriate, of course, pretty, and I guess I took a little pride in how she looked.  I was much more disappointed than she was when she took it off.  

And it was another reminder that we can never slide into any next step.  I will figure out how she can wear that dress.  Perhaps with leggings instead of tights, or more as a tunic than a dress with pants -- I just can’t assume that she can or that she even wants to behave in a way that society expects.  She can be coached somewhat, she can be trained against the worst missteps, but she will not just assume . . . . I don’t have the word.  Julia does not imagine herself grown up the way that typically developing kids do.  She does not play at grown up, she does not pretend she is a doctor or princess or dinosaur keeper.  And so, she has no experience to inform her, no observations to hint.  She does not create her world -- both real and imaginary -- it needs to be created for her.  I am the world creator and I must create and then protect.

She is, however, learning to wash her own hair in the bath tub.  I expect that with more careful instruction she will be able to do it in another few months.