Another sad first.  When are they ever going to stop??

My family was in no way political and except for a few years of Time magazine coming into the house and even though my father spent his working life at a newspaper, we did not talk about current events or the news at the dinner table as I was growing up.  Presidents were history and they all seemed to have beards and be really old.  But I was a kid when Kennedy was running for the White House and the nuns who taught me prayed for his election for what seemed like months.  And I was a kid when he was killed.  With those two events -- the energy that flew around my small world -- my interest in politics was born.

As a near-adult there was one election that I watched with friends and some old boyfriend until David came along.  And then we watched and waited together for about 36 years.  Sometimes he would go to bed first to wake up for the next day’s work and sometimes I would fall asleep in front of the tv.  Whoever was the last up would wake up the sleeper when one or the other candidate won.  We mourned together -- Reagan, Bush I, Bush II, and the election that was ‘stolen’ from Gore -- and we breathed some sighs of relief, even when Clinton’s personal behavior appalled me.  Considering the lying that Mitt engaged in this year, Clinton’s behavior just doesn’t look so bad.

But we did it together, whatever the outcomes and consequences.

Last night, I did not watch results on a television.  My television is for movies and a few wii games.  I was glued instead to my computer screen.  I shared my views and fears with facebook friends, and any plans for watching a movie last night was dashed by my obsessive website checking.  

I am glad that the ritual has changed for me -- it may have kept me a bit more on even keel -- but still feel the sadness of having no one to share the hopes and fears, victories and defeats.  Being alone just sucks.  

So, even victory is not a joy.