So much better a handle on the week as compared to last week.  Today is the quintessential early November day -- pretty cold, very grey, a constant drizzle, and kinda’ dark.  It was snowing, just flurries, earlier this morning, and I was so grateful that I  had finished up all of the yard work last night!  I cut, raked, and piled garden debris and leaves in the back garden on Sunday and then in the front and side gardens yesterday.  By the time I finished yesterday, the street lights had turned on.  Twilight not dark, and I was exhausted last night.  I need one more 2-3 hour slot to clean the garage so that my car fits in, and I need to bring my snow blower in for a tune up.  Then, I will be ready for winter to begin.  

I worked the weekend on my DRW project.  I had an idea to follow through on.  I did the research on Saturday night and part of Sunday and then made phone calls on Monday morning.  This is what my supervisor needs and for the first time I feel like I can give her something of value.  This satisfied feeling does not mean that I want to continue there.  In fact, I think that I could work so well and efficiently because there is an end in sight.  I am not sure of the timing of the end but I am planning to ask that it not be longer than the end of the semester. Likewise, in the satisfaction department, the resource center work is going well.  I have an assignment and I feel like I can ask questions.  I also am finally getting a vague understanding of the systems -- federal, state, county -- that offer service to kids with special health care needs.  I am just learning the kids system.  The adult system is totally different.

This week seems to be about coming out of the fog and chaos that has prevailed since school began and into a quieter, more orderly place.  Julia has art therapy right now and when she is finished, we will go home and be alone tonight.  I am planning on an early dinner, watching the end of Chicken Run, playing some wii sports, and then to bed.

Yesterday, I discovered that Muta, the cat, has been peeing on Julia’s bean bag chairs in her room.  We had a corner set aside for reading with a carpet, bean bag chairs and a large stuffed horse.  The carpet and the horse could go into the washer but the chairs are in the garbage.  I am not sure there is a why here.  It might be because I filled the cat box with a litter that had some odor control.  I had tried to use it when the cat first came home and he would not use it.  He has been going out at least once a day and I assumed that he was peeing outside.  Unfortunately, that was not the case.  Julia was disappointed that her chairs were ruined but she took it in stride.  Taking disappointments or changes in strides comes more often but I never know when the obsessive need for control will rear its head.  

When we were in speech therapy yesterday, she HAD to fold paper used in an activity exactly on the dotted lines provided.  It did not really matter how it was folded but she could not get over the fact that one of the papers was not exactly correct.  Her need for perfection robbed her of concentration and her ability to respond to questions.  Thinking back over much earlier behavior, I wonder if she had this feeling more often and this was a reason for some of her very stubborn behavior.

At school, there is testing going on all week.  I have no idea what they are doing with Julia and I am not sure exactly who to ask.  Her special ed teacher left a week ago for a new position and Julia has had a sub (who is not a special ed teacher).  The sub may be long term and I am trying not to stress about how what is going on.  I have a conference with her classroom teacher next week, and I will wait until then to ask questions.  I am not confident that there will be a replacement anytime soon.  It might be next semester before Julia has a permanent teacher, and then we have to go through the process of getting to know each other and developing a relationship.  Suddenly, this second year of fourth grade does not seem like a guaranteed success.  Oy.

Trying not to stress.  Breathe.

Last Saturday, it was my turn to go to church school with Julia as the parent helped.  Julia has told me before this that church school makes her sad.  When I  have asked why, she said that the kids didn't like her.  I've been telling her to talk to the kids, but from what I saw on Saturday, she was pretty dead on correct.  Only one kiddo there gives Julia the time of day.  On Saturday, Julia and I sat at a table alone during the class.  Another girl who had been sitting at our table when we sat down, moved almost immediately.  The teachers are very nice but I think they don't have a clue that this is even an issue.  I’ve written to the religious ed director and we will be meeting in the next few days.  I hope that we can do some education of the teachers and the kids within the next few weeks.  I am not sure that I can return Julia to the class until some change in put in place.  I love to be in church listening to services but I can’t do it at Julia’s expense.  

Tonight my heart is in my throat.  It is just after 8:30 p.m. now and any thought I had about doing work was just crazy.  This is the first election that I have been cognizant of that I have not sat glued to a television set.  I have no cable and no want to get local stations, but I have the internet.  And so, and so, I sit here, trying to read over what I wrote today and flipping back and forth among facebook (to see what my friends are saying), the New Yorker website (I just like them), MSNBC, and just a bit of Fox.  After I post this, I will start some junky movie -- romantic comedy would be my preference, nothing that will tax a single brain cell.  After the 2000 election, nothing can be taken for granted.